The Vase Technique
Are you running into a habit of arguing with each other? Is constant bickering getting in the way of enjoying each other's company?
We've got a communication hack for you that can radically decrease the amount of heated arguments you're having, and allow you to communicate in a much more peaceful way.
It's called the Vase Technique
But first off, a little back-story:
We had the pleasure of interviewing Deacon Harold Burke-Sivers for our latest Catholic Date Night episode! He shared 10 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage. Let us tell you, this man was on 🔥!! He was totally convicting in prioritizing prayer, quality time, sacrifice, and fun in order to have a life-long, holy, happy marriage. (Become members to get access to our monthly date night episodes!!)
Deacon Harold talked about this “vase technique” as the communication hack that saved his marriage from overheated arguments, regretful accusations, and miscommunications.
Here’s what he and his wife did:
They set aside a special vase somewhere prominent in the house, with a notepad and pen beside it.
Any time either spouse had a “grievance” or a “thank you” they wanted to bring up with their spouse, they’d make a note and put it in the vase.
Once a week, they’d make time to sit down together and go through each of the notes put in the vase that week.
They’d make the meeting fun, with special drinks, snacks, and maybe a movie afterwards.
Here’s how it impacted their marriage:
They could discuss the issues with a level head
They avoided heat-of-the-moment emotions
They set aside time to each share their perspective
They came to the meeting knowing it was time to talk about important topics
They weren’t caught off-guard by each other’s concerns
They didn’t let issues build up - they were addressed each week
They were intentional about showing appreciation for the small, often thankless actions as well.
Too often, we complain to our spouse in the moment when emotions are high, when it’s not an ideal time to have a discussion, and we say things that we regret.
But making time to talk at an agreed upon time allows you to cool down, collect your thoughts, and be intentional about your words.
We think this technique is totally creative and so grateful that Deacon Harold shared it with us!!
Now tell us - do you think this approach would work for your marriage!?
And if you want to hear tons of other practical and encouraging advice from Deacon Harold, be sure to become members and enjoy monthly date nights that help you make time for laughter, conversation, and prayer in your marriage!!